Navigating Marital Conflict

February 7, 2024 / by Keith Studnicki

Even when couples strive to love one another, there’s an abundance of ways that they can weaken their marriages.

Each spouse brings to the marriage a unique mix of expectations, sin, trauma, mental health challenges, etc., which can hinder wedded bliss.

Fortunately, God’s power can be made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12).

Because every couple will face it, here are a few tips for navigating martial conflict:

• Humble yourselves and pray. Get the plank out of your eye before you try to get the speck out of someone else’s (Matthew 7). We need to be open to feedback and accept personal responsibility. Admitting when we’re wrong and repenting is essential to restoration.
• Listen, understand, and validate emotions even though emotions can sometimes pass quickly. Ignoring emotions can foster division. A wise mind recognizes emotions and combines them with logic in decision-making. Allowing others to be heard can relax their brain, leading toward situational resolution.
• Attack unresolved issues rather than each other. Remember you’re on the same team.
• Have fun but don’t avoid difficult topics. They’ll generally remain unresolved without working through them. Be slow to speak and watch your tone and body language. When it’s time, speak truth in love and kindness. Avoid comments like “you never, you always, etc.”
• Respond to “bids for connection”. These are subtle solicitations for attention or affection such as a smile, touch, or asking for advice. Don’t miss these as they can renew emotional bonds and bring healing.
• If you’re struggling to remain calm, take a break (approx. 20-30 mins). Research shows you’re not going to effectively listen to your spouse if your heart rate is over 100 beats per minute.

If needed, don’t hesitate to reach out for wise counsel. Working through challenges in a healthy manner rather than giving up is one way that Christians can demonstrate a renewed mind and can glorify our Father in heaven.

Keith Studnicki serves on the East White Oak Missions team. He is married to Lindsey, and they have four children. Keith is employed by State Farm as the Mental Health Consultant for the leadership team. He also serves at Truth in Love Counseling as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC). Keith enjoys hunting, learning, and watching the Chicago Cubs and Bears.