Beauty for Ashes

May 1, 2025 / by Laurie Haynes

I grew up in a loving, secure, and religious home. I was the only one in my family to go to college. Because I was studious and goal oriented, many things seemed to go my way.

It was April 1983 and I was four weeks away from graduating college when I found out I was pregnant. My well-orchestrated life came crashing down and I was in a tailspin.

I knew abortion was morally wrong but it seemed the only way out of my crisis. My boyfriend drove me to the abortion clinic in Chicago. It was the worst day of my life.

I walked out of there a different person – scarred physically, emotionally, spiritually. While part of me was relieved it was over, I also felt ashamed at what I had done. For several weeks I remember crying frequently but then I got better at blocking it all out.

The next summer I started dating a wonderful guy and we fell in love quickly. I knew I had to tell him my dark, dirty secret.

The following year we got married and 3 years later we were expecting a baby. I remember thinking that I didn’t deserve to be given a second chance.
A few weeks after our daughter was born in 1988, I suffered severe post-partum depression. Another tailspin. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was crying all the time. I feared that God was punishing me for the abortion.

In my desperation, I began reaching out to my younger sister who knew about my past. I turned to her because recently I had noticed something different about her.

You see, a couple years prior, my sister had become a Christian. And now God was answering her prayers for me. I was finally ready to hear the gospel. She explained that God loved me so much that He didn’t want me to suffer for my sin of abortion. She said that Jesus had died on the cross, taking my due punishment so that I could be forgiven.

I got down on my knees and started sobbing. I confessed all my sins. I told Jesus I trusted in what He did for me on the cross and I asked Him to be my Savior.

That was the best day of my life. I was forgiven. I was free. Beauty for ashes.

Laurie and her husband, Todd, have been attending East White Oak since 1997. They have two grown children and two grandsons. Laurie has taught children’s Sunday School, led women’s Bible studies, taught Your Body/God’s Plan and enjoys serving in the nursery. She has been a long time volunteer/employee (recently retired) at the Pregnancy Resource Center. Laurie is passionate about helping the abortion wounded person find hope, healing, and restoration through Jesus.